Mmmmm

Well, I've been on two interviews in the last week. One I know is a no go :( and the other is at IBM. I'm really excited about this one.

So, I've been trying to get back into, or INTO, an exercise program/routine and let me just tell ya, that I've sucked big time at it. I have all of the best intentions and if good intentions could help you shed pounds, I'd be a stick....It's just the thought itself. I KNOW that once I got into it, I'd be ok and maybe even...gasp...like it and continue it...Me and Darryl went to a friend's house this weekend and picked up two pieces of exercise equipment and they're all sat up in the bonus room (thank you hubby) and I"ve been on them for a total of about a minute....what the heck is wrong with me....I look in the mirror and am totally disgusted with myself and yet, I don't use what I've got....someone motivate me pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease.

I DID do good today for lunch. I had a LC pizza, YUMMY, and a salad w/ FF raspberry vinagerette dressing....so I'm proud of myself for THAT, but I know that at my weight, without moving my butt, the weight isn't going to come off.....

Hello from down under....

Ok, bear with me here, I'm up at, oh let's see....5:58 in the morning, and I'm having a little pity party for myself. It was just one of those mornings where I couldn't sleep and figured I might as well get up as opposed to tossing and turning until the covers fall off the bed. : )

This not having a job thing is really starting to wear on me. The finances, or lack of them, aside...it's really NOT an ego boost that I haven't had more offers than I have. (and btw, I've had two and they might as well have been volunteer jobs with what they wanted to pay me) and don't get me wrong, I KNOW when you're not working, one can't be too picky, but I also can't drive 40 miles for $9 an hour...(I didn't even know people still made that little money). So anyway, THAT'S why I'm having my own little party this morning.

I got up this morning, made my coffee and jumped on the computer to the job boards and I guess I beat them up be/c nothing's been updated from yesterday. : ) (what is that saying...something about the early bird... :)))))

Ok, so get this (Caroline will appreciate this)..so we get Time Warner Cable the other day which has an awesome exercise on demand channel. In my head, I kept saying that since I'm home now, I can do that. (I'd been trying to walk, but the heat is a wee bit too much at the moment) so I flipped through all the different on demand exercise channels they have and found some great ones....so I watched them. Don't get too excited, I SAID "watched". I literally sat there watching some cardio hip hop show and was soooo enthralled with just watching, that I never got up and DID anything...(now come on, how SAD is THAT)...

So after getting over that huge failure, : ) , I had it in my head that I wanted to start eating better. I'm not a horrible eater (how many times have you heard THAT statement from a fluffy person) but I eat waaaaaaaaaay too many carbs. I don't eat meat alot, rarely actually, so I end up substituting that with rice, pasta, bread...ya know, the GOOOOOD stuff...I LOVE vegetables and fruit, I just tend to have those WITH the rice, pasta and bread... Wonder if there's a carb rehab? Anyway, back to my point....I went to the store the other day and saw a fitness magazine, so I grabbed it up. I mean, too be sure I could look like the chick on the cover. How hard could THAT be? So I get the magazine home and read through it and they, of course, have a lot of exercises in there for one to do to get rid of flabby arms, legs, butt, thigh, chin, pretty much any part of you that you need help on..so I'm reading these articles and trying to figure out how to DO the exercises with nothing but a little bitty picture and some mumbo jumbo words explaining them....and I lean over to my hubby and tell him that he's going to have to help me figure out the freakin steps to actually do them. Now HOW sad is that???? You'd think I would be an expert at any exercise from watching the on demand channel for hours.

And can I just give a shout out to my hubby. He is freakin awesome. He has stood by me throughout all of this and not once asked me to apply at Walmart. : ) I'm not sure what good I did to get this man, but God was sure looking out for me. Even through the times I want to ring his neck (and there are lots of those), I see what a great man he is in his heart. He's got the biggest heart of any man I've ever known. (just remind me of that the next time I DO want to ring his neck) : )

okay, enough for today...back to the job boards. Wish me luck...

Lots of decisions

So I had a checkup with my family doctor today and I talked to him about my weight loss, or lack of it. We went over my food journal and discussed my exercise AND the fact my weight is still creeping up..slowly...it might be a 1/2 pound here and there, but eventually that adds up to BIG numbers. He went back over the fact that I have a thyroid issue (thanks, but I KNOW that) and he went over the difficulty I was always going to have losing weight. His rule of thumb is that I have to eat 1/2 as much as a normal person and work out 2-3 times more. (ahhh, does anyone else see the issue there). I KNOW people with thyroid issues lose weight everyday...and I get that. But I obviously have low protein levels and it just seemed hopeless. I was really upset at the doctors office.

I LOVE my doctor and have been going to him for over 6 years and he is funny and very truthful with me. He suggested the Lap Band System. (we've talked in the past about gastric bypass, but that's waaaay too invasive for me) The Lap Band system is a little less invasive and I told him I would research it and consider it. We left it at that.

So I've been on the net tonight going over a zillion sites to find out all I can about the LB stuff. I actually started the water works thinking about this. It is so defeating and disheartning to think about doing anything other than the hard way (better eating and exercise). It really is. I'm sure there are plenty of people that think this is the easy way out and maybe it IS. There's just a lot of thinking and decisions that need to go into this.

A little about ME:

1. I was always small until I got pregnant with my now 16 year old son. I gained weight throughout that pregnancy like crazy. The doctors could never figure out why. Just assumed I ate too much. (I didn't)
2. After Ryne was born, my weight continued to go up and up and up.
3. In 1998, I went for my yearly OBGYN appt. and my doctor noticed I had gained 17 pounds in one year. According to him, that is fairly hard to do unless you had a medical condition OR you're trying to gain the weight. (I wasn't)
4. He sent me to Chapel Hill to an endocrinologists that confirmed that my thyroid was in HORRIBLE condition. Started me on medicine.
5. I was SO hopeful that I'd automatically drop the weight. (I didn't)
6. My endo went back through years of my records and contributed my thyroid issue to when I was pregnant which was 7 years prior to this visit. I was pregnant in 1991 and hypothyroidism was unheard of back then. So my thyroid disease had basically gone undected and untreated for 7 years. The endo told me it would be a tough road b/c of that. (Boy, was she RIGHT)
7. I've fought like a mama bear since then to lose the weight or even maintain. In 1998 when I was diagnosed with my thyroid disease, I weighed 175 pounds. I am now at 223. Go figure.
8. I KNOW people think my weight problem is because of poor eating habits and not exercising and I'll be the first to admit that I don't eat great ALL the time or exercise all the time, but I do my fair share.

So, anyway, I'm going to veg on this for a few days. Research it lots more and decide.