GF, come here....please...

First and foremost, "GF", I can't get to your post. What is the exact address to it? : ( Not sure what's up with that, but it's pissing me off. : )

Ok, on to the seminar. It was nice, but pretty much exactly what I've read on my Lap Band site. It DID help me finalize my decision to do this. There are some tests that my PCP has to order and that seems like about a day's worth at the hospital getting that done. But that's ok. I'll live. I called today and made my appt. with the nutritionists today so that's out of the way. Now I've just got to make an appt. with a psychiatrists. THAT should be fun. : ) Kinda scared they'll want to keep me or buy me a straight jacket... : ) Also made an appt. with the surgeon for May 22. I'm hoping, cross your fingers with me, that I'll have all my tests results by then and can actually schedule the surgery. Don't know what other hoops I'll have to jump through for this. Only time will tell, I guess.

Higgins is doing better. He's being such a trooper about taking his meds. BUT I get up today and can barely walk. Not sure if it's true pain or sympathy pain for Higgins. : ) I've taken high dose Ibuprofin and nothing. It's muscle spasms so if it's not better tomorrow, I'm going to have to see if my doc can call in a muscle relaxer. Isn't that funny that Higgy is doing better and now MY back is hurting.

We had someone look at our house today that seemed really interested. I'm SO keeping my fingers crossed. We really need to sell this place like ASAP.

Been a tough day

It's been one of those days that feel like it's been at least a 56 hour day. : )

At midnight last night, me, Darryl & Higgy are asleep ( Higgins always sleeps with us...) and all of a sudden we hear this horrible screaming/whining from Higgy. It jolted us both awake and I grabbed Higgins to see what the problem was. The more I tried to love and comfort him, the worse he seemed to cry. It was heartbreaking...

So I start crying and worrying to death over him. I didn't sleep much past that. I kept worrying about his breathing..so it was just a bad night.

I get up this morning. Darryl and I had already discussed that I'd stay home with Higgins and take him to the vet. So off we go. Come to find out, he's got a slipped disc in his back. Poor baby...He's suppose to rest for 10 days. Still not sure how I'm going to pull THAT off. He still wants to run and jump and he's not suppose to. I went and got a crate (something totally foreign to him) that he's going to have to stay in during the day. That's going to break my heart be/c he's not going to understand WHY he's in there...so fun fun... I just love the little man and can't imagine not having him around.

Still looking forward to the Lap Band seminar tomorrow night. I'm ready to get this process on the road... : )

Eye Opener

So I get home this afternoon and Darryl meets me in the yard and wants to know if I want to "go out to eat with an old man?"...he's so silly. For some crazy reason, he thinks his 43 years to my 36 are like a zillion. I don't. He's THE best husband in the world BUT...he's not big on spending money and thinks going out to eat alot is a waste of money. Don't get me wrong, I'm definitely thankful that he's this way because I'm NOT...I'm all about spending the money more than saving it. :( So anyway, I digress...we go out to eat and decide to do some grocery shopping while we're out and Lowe's Foods is close by (we usually do Walmart) but what the heck, huh? So we're strolling through Lowe's and I'm trying to find some healthy stuff and WOW, that's ONE expensive store. We grabbed the necessities and got the heck out of there. I've been in there before but now that Darryl and I are married, I guess his thrifty ways are rubbing off on me. hee hee..ok, maybe not.

Darryl's leaving me tomorrow. He's got to go help his dad some since Pop's just had back surgery. Pop's doing really good though. I still can't believe how great he's doing.

Sorry for jumping all around this post. My mind is thinking faster than my fingers are typing...

I went to Target today with three of my co workers and guess what the first stop they wanted to make was? The BIKINI'S....really...of course the three of THEM are skinny mini's...but I felt so out of place. I have to say I'm usually the biggest woman in the room these days...and that hurts. I can remember being the hottest in the room and that's what makes this weight hard. I KNOW what it's like to be oogled and not ignored. Isn't it sad that just putting on some weight totally changes how others see and look at you. Kinda sad really. But I guess that's reality. A sad reality is all I can say.

Just makes me look forward to my Lap Band surgery even more. Still not convinced that I'll get accepted. I'm right at the weight level and my BMI is a little low but I'm hoping with my high blood pressure and hypertension, they will accept me. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Been a busy girl

• So it's been a BUSY time for me lately. Darryl left last Wednesday to go to his parents to help out with his dad. His dad had back surgery last Thursday and he's the main caregiver to Darryl's mom, so Darryl and his sister went up there (near Charlotte) to help 'em out. I rode up Saturday morning w/ my BIL. We had THE best time chatting...and it was SOOO good to see my hubby. It was the first time we'd slept apart since moving in together last August...but we managed. We knew it was for a good cause. So, anyway, I got up to his parents and found out that his mom, b/c of her Parkinson's is VERY VERY cold natured and keeps the house "warm" as I was forwarned. Well, I found out that warm=86 degrees. They had the heat on Saturday and it was around 84 outside. Needless to say, I was one hot mama. I'm extremely hot natured anyway, so it was NOT a good time for me. I loved visiting w/ his parents and all the family coming in and out, but I was just dripping sweat the whole two days I was there. Not sure if I even need the Lap Band surgery now....I think I melted some fat away.. : )
• We missed my surgery seminar Sunday night so I'm a little bummed about that, but it couldn't be avoided. Now I have to wait until May 13 UNLESS they have a cancellation before then. Keeping my fingers crossed. I've done lots of research on this Lap Band surgery and I'm leaning more and more toward it. I DID find out this weekend that hubby is a tad bit worried that I'll get so skinny and gorgeous that I'll want to leave him. Said he worried enough about it now...I actually took that as a compliment. : ) He's honestly my dream come true. I'm doing this surgery for ME and only ME. It's not to make my hubby love me more or want me more or anyone else...just for ME!!!
• I imagine I'll be doing a lot of talking and discussing my journey here on this blog..so bear with me. : )
• I DO worry that some people will say I'm taking the easy way out and one of the ladies on the LPT site said that there is nothing easy about this process. You STILL have to exercise and eat right to maintain a loss. Some people don't lose hardly anything with the LB. Some lose lots, just depends on your body...but it's not easy. You have to change your attitude toward food. (thank goodness you have to see a nutritionalists/psychiatrist first)
• I've been overweight for over 16 years now...when I was pregnant with my son, I gained 71 pounds (I remember my brother telling me I'd be better off if I just stopped, dropped and rolled - much funnier NOW than AT THE TIME) and I've basically never taken it all off. I've been much smaller than I am now, but never back to me pre pregnancy skinniness and I WANT that...I know what it's like to feel good about yourself...to look in the mirror and actually smile at what you see ~ I just want THAT feeling again.
• So wish me luck on my new journey to a new me. Pleeeeeeze...

Doing my research

OK, so I've been on the Internet ALL DAY (shhhh, don't tell my employer) looking up stuff on the Lap Band system. I actually have to say that I'm very impressed with what I've learned. I don't think it's going to be easy, but we'll see. I'm still in the "in the process" process. : )

I am going to make an appt. with my family care physician to get the process started. I'm still kinda foggy on the whole process. I do know you have to see a dietitian, a psychiatrists and a whole slew of different specialists. I'm actually kinda glad that you don't have an easy time with it all. You have to go through a tough process so we'll see. It will all depend on what my PCP tells me.

My hubby, Darryl, left today to go to Wadesboro to his parents'. His father is having surgery tomorrow and with the house up for sale, we felt like I should stay here. It's clear our boys can't be trusted to keep the house "show ready". : ) We're going to meet up together Saturday, but it's our first time apart since we've been married so I'm a little bummed about that...but I'll live. I just miss him...lots...already...and I've still got two more days to go. :(

Lots of decisions

So I had a checkup with my family doctor today and I talked to him about my weight loss, or lack of it. We went over my food journal and discussed my exercise AND the fact my weight is still creeping up..slowly...it might be a 1/2 pound here and there, but eventually that adds up to BIG numbers. He went back over the fact that I have a thyroid issue (thanks, but I KNOW that) and he went over the difficulty I was always going to have losing weight. His rule of thumb is that I have to eat 1/2 as much as a normal person and work out 2-3 times more. (ahhh, does anyone else see the issue there). I KNOW people with thyroid issues lose weight everyday...and I get that. But I obviously have low protein levels and it just seemed hopeless. I was really upset at the doctors office.

I LOVE my doctor and have been going to him for over 6 years and he is funny and very truthful with me. He suggested the Lap Band System. (we've talked in the past about gastric bypass, but that's waaaay too invasive for me) The Lap Band system is a little less invasive and I told him I would research it and consider it. We left it at that.

So I've been on the net tonight going over a zillion sites to find out all I can about the LB stuff. I actually started the water works thinking about this. It is so defeating and disheartning to think about doing anything other than the hard way (better eating and exercise). It really is. I'm sure there are plenty of people that think this is the easy way out and maybe it IS. There's just a lot of thinking and decisions that need to go into this.

A little about ME:

1. I was always small until I got pregnant with my now 16 year old son. I gained weight throughout that pregnancy like crazy. The doctors could never figure out why. Just assumed I ate too much. (I didn't)
2. After Ryne was born, my weight continued to go up and up and up.
3. In 1998, I went for my yearly OBGYN appt. and my doctor noticed I had gained 17 pounds in one year. According to him, that is fairly hard to do unless you had a medical condition OR you're trying to gain the weight. (I wasn't)
4. He sent me to Chapel Hill to an endocrinologists that confirmed that my thyroid was in HORRIBLE condition. Started me on medicine.
5. I was SO hopeful that I'd automatically drop the weight. (I didn't)
6. My endo went back through years of my records and contributed my thyroid issue to when I was pregnant which was 7 years prior to this visit. I was pregnant in 1991 and hypothyroidism was unheard of back then. So my thyroid disease had basically gone undected and untreated for 7 years. The endo told me it would be a tough road b/c of that. (Boy, was she RIGHT)
7. I've fought like a mama bear since then to lose the weight or even maintain. In 1998 when I was diagnosed with my thyroid disease, I weighed 175 pounds. I am now at 223. Go figure.
8. I KNOW people think my weight problem is because of poor eating habits and not exercising and I'll be the first to admit that I don't eat great ALL the time or exercise all the time, but I do my fair share.

So, anyway, I'm going to veg on this for a few days. Research it lots more and decide.